Owoade Writes

Memoirs of a Woman Going Without

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Two days ago, I picked up my black book of “To Do Goals “and thumbed through the pages. I do this often, to make sure am on not losing sight of my “well thought through”goals and how I intend bringing them to actualization.
The year 2016 was really a defining year for me. And one of the life lessons I learnt was that while I am good at “acquiring” and “reserving” money. Have not mastered the skills to turn what have reserved into a long term steady source of income. I invested in stocks a few years back but nothing major that can afford me to retire 5 years from now.
Am from a society where success is measured financially and that is by how much you spend on choice cars, houses, designer bags, shoes and luxury holidays. Like Arese Ugwu said “In Africa, success is measured by our spending patterns”.
While have not been brought up to be vain or rely on designer items to define me. I do confess to guilty pleasures and indulging a little bit. My argument was so far have worked hard enough, I should also splurge.
But what I realized last year after having a seat down with myself was – my aspirations seemed fine. But a closer look at them, I discovered they majorly pointed to addressing money, money and self. I didn’t like it!
I started to look inwards, asking myself what makes me happy? What passion brings tears to my eyes? If I could identify these, there my fulfillment will definitely be. I felt lighter, it was like a load was lifted off me and for once in a very long time, I knew where to start and what to look for.
Now in 2017, have made a mental shift from aspiring towards financial success, (which have culturally been brain wired to think is the ultimate goal) to aspiring to success in other areas of my life.
I believe if am able to translate success into say learning an art, a new language, exploring a new culture, creating something, career advancement, volunteering for a cause, spiritual growth etc.
It will give me a sense of overall achievement hence more fulfillment more than just acquiring money which seats down doing nothing in my bank account and then seeps away gradually to material needs.
Besides they say a success which is not a blessing to the world is no success at all. So am looking more into giving out rather than receiving.
I remember after finalizing my goals, I felt like I was setting myself up to be a super woman or to seem boastful which I really am not. So honestly I won’t beat myself if some things don’t work out as planned. Some goals however, have put in a non-negotiable category like my spiritual growth.
As a Christian my first goal is to have a relationship with God this year by spending time to read my bible, pray, meditate on the word and work on a spiritual discipline (I chose fasting).
And have started to see some of my goals actualize , some will take years from now, some seem so ridiculous to me now and am wondering what are they even doing on the list?. Like a bag that I will buy in 2018.
But in all, am glad to finally be in the right place and knowing that am getting it right as an individual who knows her strengths, flaws, limitations and abilities. I can judge myself, learn lessons and move on.
Sometimes I can’t help but say to myself if I had viewed my life goals from this perspective ten years ago, I would have gone really far, but I rest in the knowledge that God’s time is the best.
And as June comes to an end signaling the end of the first half of 2017 and me marking a new age. Without fear I look forward to opening my black book again. And thankfully be happy for what have achieved so far, the progress made and those goals that may never happen. And if it needs me to re plan my route, so shall i. But am not losing sight of my goal.
So dear one, what are you looking to achieve in 2017?
Perhaps your 2017 looks chaotic with no direction. Start simple!
Pick something not complicated that you can work towards. It’s not too late to set or reset goals for this year.
While we all have different goals and belong to different school of thoughts, let me encourage you to set goals that will be beneficial to your world.
A goal that will uplift you and others. No one knows you better than yourself. Discover yourself, know who you are and why you are here.
Be purposeful in your actions this year, run your own race! Don’t leave your life to chance.
And the only way you can do this is to have specific goals that will help you attain your divine purpose here.
Be your own goal setter in 2017.

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What Have You Learnt?

What did you learn? A question we have all had to give our teachers and parents answers to. We give answers on what we have learned when we go through difficult times. Either we present it as an advice or lessons learned.

I will just jump right into this.

What did you learn passing through that phase? We’ve all had hard times. Where we had to be tested. I know have had my own fair share of these times. Good thing is, we have a lot of quotes written by people who have passed through similar unpleasant circumstances to get us through these dark periods. They all bear the same message.

“Hang in there”. “Tough times don’t last, but tough people do”.

These quotes give you assurance that someday, your problems will go away. And truly either you get lucky or seize an opportunity or circumstances change for you. Your problems are gone. You have validated these quotes.

However I have a question. A question directed at you and me the writer. What did you learn from the whole experience?

It’s a humble position to be in – where you can’t help yourself from sinking. But as you descend down your way to rock bottom, what lessons did you pick on the way down?

I ask this because when you hit the ground, the human survival instinct in you will want to climb out of the hole you find yourself in. And those lessons you learnt on the way down will lay the foundation for your building up again.

Have seen so many people repeat same mistakes they made in the past.

Have seen so many people end up in the same situation they clawed out from.

Which leaves me wondering, did the last situation not teach them anything?

Oftentimes as humans we tend to blame other people, the economy, our ex-boss, unsupportive family, bad luck and so on for our misfortunes.

We tend to omit the most important player in the situation which is YOU! YOURSELF! ME!

Remember the popular sayings “life is a school” you are responsible for your outcome? Let’s look at the two closely.

‘Life’ is programmed to teach ‘You’ what you can’t learn ordinarily.

You may be wondering what is she trying to get at? You may have lost your job house or health. All through no fault of my own. Am sorry to hear this, but in life bad things does happen to good people. Things will spiral out of control. At this point you can’t do anything to save yourself.

But you can do something – take notes.

Notes that will cement your victory ground. Take notes so that when the good days come, you can be prepared like a true champ should.

Are you in a difficult situation? Or have been in one? Is it causing you make some life changing adjustments?

Are you more patient and less critical these days? Do you keep your temper in check these days? Do you invest more in your relationships these days? If you answered yes to any of these questions am happy for you.

You are on a journey of self-discovery. You realize you actually have the capacity to be extra patient, careful and more open to other people’s views.

I tell you in most cases it’s this personal extra qualities you have developed during these tough times, the world sees in you and wants to buy into your brand again.

Dear friend let this tough period bring out the best in you. Don’t just work towards things getting better and going back to your old self.

Let it teach you Forgiveness, Perseverance, Humility, Patience, Love,Friendship,Gratitude, Self-Respect, Good Sense of Judgment and many more. You will need all these amongst so many other qualities to sustain your new found success.

So stop dwelling about how hopeless your situation is. Fact is – No condition is permanent.

You will walk out of that situation, but ensure that you emerge a better person.

So whenever you find yourself ‘helpless’. Instead of focusing on the situation.

Grab a notepad because life is about to coach you.

And believe me, life will come back someday with a similar situation basically to ask you – WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNT?

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I went to bed last night a little bothered and a well content on how my week went.This week i was able to take some significant small steps towards some of my many plans.But you know after the feeling of satisfaction wears away, you start to remember the other things that needs to be done.

And as thursday night drew to an end, whilst waiting to drift away in sleep, i could not help but focus on the areas that are not going so well for me at the moment.

And then i just noticed have stopped some things due to concentrating on making some of my goals work. Anyways i was able to tell myself, i would live life and not wait for the proverbial perfect timings to get some things moving along.

So when i woke this morning, i decided to wear my expensive sweater, spot my favourite colour of lip gloss. I felt good, renewed!! After church, i usually head back home but this time around i decided to hang back around and chat with a few church members, who urged me to come out to the park with them.

Since am living a spontaneous life these days, i decided to go to the park with them.

The weather was good, lovely company and it felt great to lie on the grass and just gaze into the clear Dubai skies and just soak in the beauty of the day.It was uplifting and reminded me that life is indeed beautiful and full of promises, if only i could stop focusing on what is not working at the moment. And choose to enjoy life and celebrate the little success.

Long story short, i spent the whole day amongst loving people. I was all smiles and happy. How blessed am I?

So my resolution is this: From this day onward, i will maintain the not waiting for perfect time and be more spontaneous. Am so keeping this positive attitude up.

I feel great …….. it’s a good friday.

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From A Friend

We smile not because we have it all.
We laugh hard because we know the future is bright.
We don’t always win. We learn sometimes.
And this is what keeps us going.
Because we know we are diamonds, just in coal form for now.
Am Owoade…….

12799350_10207669270842706_4580480068283341765_n( Image credit to my friend Claire, who said the girl reminds her of me, am flattered )

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The Syrian Angel At Sea

We all woke up to the heartbreaking picture of this three year old toddler’s body washed up on the beach.

A budding dream cut short by life circumstances.

I can’t begin to imagine his last moments, probably calling out for his mom.

Hoping the strong hands of his father will reach out and pull him out of the water

A completely helpless victim, taken down by this catastrophe called war.

A war he didn’t start, a war he knows nothing about, he goes about life filled with love for all.

Yet he had to be a victim of human hatred.

Why is it that when people go to war,only the innocent ones suffer?

Why can’t we all just live in peace if not for anything but for the sake of these little ones?

Lord, am short of words.

For every child affected by war, may the hands of GOD protect and shield you.


The Winning Attitude

  • Recognizing your mistakes and learning from them. Welcome to the school of life.
  • Knowing either ways, you are a winner.
  • Preparing yourself for the greater days ahead.
  • Knowing you own this.
  • Facing each day with renewed strength.
  • Knowing delay definitely, is not denial.
  • Knowing good things come to those who wait, and of course work towards it.
  • Is stepping out of your boundaries and taking on those risks, (anything can happen through this journey, i hope you are prepared).
  • Staying focused.
  • Being result oriented.
  • Staying positive
  • Keeping that smile, no matter what.